The 5 to 1 Happiness Rule

The 5 to 1 rule. You may have heard of this “magic relationship ratio”. Relationship researcher Dr. John Gottman shared that during conflict, happy couples share more positive interactions than negative ones, with the ideal ratio being 5 positive to 1 negative.

Following this rule with your kids can lead to happier parent-child relationships. Aim for sharing positive feedback and reinforcement at least 5 times for every 1 demand or criticism you make.

We often don’t realize as parents how many demands we make of our children in short periods of time. Demands are not always obvious and can range from asking a toddler to “put that sock back on” to asking a teenager “how was your day?” when they are in an anti-social mood. And for kids who struggle with speech and language, answering any question can feel like a heavy demand.

If you’re curious about how you’re doing, start paying attention to your ratio of praise to demands. Gather your “baseline” data, and then challenge yourself to increase those statements of praise and reinforcement with your children.

Give it a try and pepper your home with a little more joy!

This blog post first appeared on May 19, 2021 in Medium.