Enjoy Shopping Again (kids included!)
Photo by Jomjakkapat Parrueng
4 Strategies to Prevent a Meltdown
Have you ever found yourself in the candy aisle with your toddler, your grocery list barely started, facing an impending meltdown? Even if the meltdown was manageable (some tears and dramatic pouting), you likely forgot something important, and the experience wasn’t pleasant for you or your kid(s). You probably needed an extra coffee at the end (something with whipped cream?) to restore the energy and joy you had when you started your trip.
There is the version that we idealize of running errands with our kids; perusing the aisles and selecting our favorite items while our kids smile at us and wave to friendly strangers. And then there is that other version that happens; our kids become impatient and just have to own that toy or snack they spot on the shelf. Our refusal makes it that much more desirable. Things quickly spiral.
While life, and our kids, can be unpredictable, there are preventive strategies that help.
Remember these four:
Make sure basic needs are met.
Set expectations.
Create a First/Then contingency.
Reinforce any appropriate behavior.
Let’s break it down:
1. Make sure basic needs are met (specifically hunger & thirst):
This one is fairly simple, but so important, whether you have a cranky toddler, or a moody preteen. How this happens is up to you. You could have a snack or meal at home right before running errands, hand out snacks and juice boxes in the car ride, or give your little ones something to nibble on immediately upon entering the store.
2. Set Expectations:
Proactively telling your child what she should do is better than reactively telling her what she shouldn’t be doing. Kids like to be prepared for what is happening next, just like we do. Make this age appropriate and brief, something along the lines of:
“We are going to Kroger’s for some groceries. I made a list of all the foods we need and that is what we are going to buy today. You can ride in the front of the cart and I want you to sit nicely and keep your body safe. You may see something you want at the store, but let’s stick to the items on our list today.”
If your child can bring a preferred item, like a small stuffed animal, let them know this as well: “You can bring your unicorn in the cart with you!” Beginning the errand with something desirable to hold decreases the value of holding something additional.
3. Create a First/Then contingency:
First/Then contingencies work like this: “First work for two weeks, then get a paycheck” or “First eat your dinner, then have dessert”. Maybe the store experience on its own is exciting for your child. Even so, having something to look forward to afterwards incentivizes good behavior whilst shopping. The reward (your ‘Then’) doesn’t need to be grand, but it does need to matter to your child. For example, your ‘Then’ could be listening to her favorite song from Moana on repeat during the drive home from the store. “First the grocery store, Then Moana music!” Other options might be a small cookie, iPad time, or walking to the playground next door for 10 minutes after the groceries are loaded. Share your First/Then contingency with your child before you enter the store.
4. Reinforce any appropriate behavior:
Always try to catch the good! Do this as much as you can, both before entering a new location, and while you are running your errand. Praise your child for listening to the rules about the store. “Thanks for listening to me. We’re going to have a great time inside!” Notice when they are following the rules while shopping and give them your attention throughout the experience. “You’re such a great helper!”, or “Thanks for sitting so nicely in the cart. You are definitely earning that cookie later!” Making the experience positive is key here. If they are satisfied with the attention they are receiving for good behaviors, they’ll be less likely to behave in an inappropriate way to get you to look their way (throwing items from the cart, kicking their legs, screaming, etc.). Another way to give attention is to include your little one(s) in choices when you can. If you need to buy a loaf of bread and there are two kinds you like, hold them both up and ask them to choose one. Then toss that one into the cart.
Very important note: Follow through on that First/Then promise:
This is paramount, and the more quickly you can deliver your ‘Then’ item or activity, the more meaning it will have to your kids. If you tell your kids that you will go to the playground after the store, don’t stop anywhere else in between the two. And as mentioned earlier, aim to promise something realistic that you are at least 99% sure you can deliver.
Photo by Olivia Bauso
I hope you try these strategies and find them useful. With all of the above said, I still understand daydreaming about those solo Target trips. But here’s to better memories made running errands with your little ones!
This story was first published on Medium.com @https://medium.com/lumi-aba/enjoy-shopping-again-kids-included-f96a728cf2cb, on August 18, 2021.